My final weeks, returning to the US, and looking ahead to God's plans for my future.

My dearest friends and family,

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for not posting any updates for you since the camp. I can only plea forgetfulness on this one, and would like to make up for it now, as well as update you on what's been happening in my life since my return to America!

It's been almost 3 months since Lift Kamp happened, and I'm still at a loss for words to explain the big ways that God showed up during that week. In fact, I think anyone who was there on our final night of camp would agree that God was sitting right there among us, moving the hearts of so many campers, leaders, and of course myself and the other planners.

The InsideOut team was exceptional this year -- I can't imagine a better group of people to help bring Lift Kamp together. They were truly a perfect fit for Risttee's Lift crowed, and we will never be able to thank them enough for all they did that week for the youth of our church.

I spent my last week and a half of being in Estonia wrapping up post-kamp affairs and spending some relaxation with as many of my amazing friends as I could. Our church also put on a picnic open to all of the people of Tartu, which ended up bringing in hundreds of people from the surrounding neighborhoods, bringing awareness to Risttee and everything God has to offer the city through us!

My sweet friends threw the best goodbye party for me the night before I left Tartu! It was definitely a night I'll never forget, and I couldn't imagine a more perfect closing to the best summer of my life with my favorite people.

I spent my last night in Estonia in the capitol, Tallinn, with 4 of the people I grew the closest to this summer, and I'm still so grateful to have had them with me right up until I went through security at the airport.

It was such a bittersweet goodbye. On one hand, my heart was breaking knowing I'd be so far away from these people that had become such a huge part of my life. But on the other hand, I knew that although the next 9 months were going to creep along, once they were over, it would feel like I'd never left. 

2 months down, 7 more to go, and it's safe to say I'm kind of dying a little bit here.

But before I get into what exactly is going to be happening in about 7 months now, let me tell you about a few of my more humorous struggles since I've been back to America.

First of all, I stopped reading signs and posters and notes and all that, since I stopped reading them all summer because I couldn't understand a good 97% of them. So for a good few weeks after my return, I found myself lost in a lot of places, or breaking rules, or trying to pull open doors that were clearly marked "push." But wait, it gets better. I started completely tuning people out when they talked to me. Although my friends spoke English to me on a regular basis, there were many social situations where only Estonian was spoken for the most part, so I ended up tuning out everything people were saying around me, because what was the point of listening? If you were one of the people that had to repeat yourself for me like 12 times when I came back, I sincerely apologize. I also lost quite a big chunk of English vocabulary, since I got used to using simple adjectives and such to make translation easier. "really," "very," and "SO" became my most used adjectives, and I'm just now being forced to re-expand my word bank, 6 weeks into college. Also, don't get me started on the first time I tried to drive my manual car again...let's just not talk about it at all...

There have also been some less humorous side effects to being back in Georgia. The thing is, when I came back, everything was the same. My friends were all the same, and my family was the same, and it was all just how I'd left it. But I was different. I had changed, in a lot of big ways. The things a lot of people here find important, just aren't to me anymore. It was really hard for me to spend time with friends, because most of the topics of conversation seemed shallow or offensive to me. It was so conflicting to be sitting with people I used to spend days at a time with, and suddenly not want to be around them. In a lot of ways, I've felt very isolated since I got back. I went off and started  a whole new life, one with a higher purpose, and that's been hard to explain to a lot of people I spent my high school years with. They don't get it, they weren't part of it, and they don't really know how to respond to it, which was to be expected, but it still hurt. 

The time alone hasn't been all bad though. I've used it to continue to grow in my faith and continue the relationships I created this summer. All in all, I'm thankful for all of the changing I did. It was good changing, and I feel like I'v aged years of life experience ahead, which I'm really thankful for.

So now its time to talk about the future... 

God has been crazy good to me, and I can't imagine doing anything with my life other than serving him and spreading his love and forgiveness all over the world, and thankfully he's making that possible for me. There was no doubt in my mind that I'd be getting back to Estonia next year, not going wasn't an option! I'm so blessed that God has given me my call at such a young age, so how could I possibly ignore Him and try and live out my life with according to my crappy plan? I'm doing a great work, and I CANNOT come down. So before I left Estonia, I committed to the task of gathering a team of interns and bringing them back with me for summer 2015. Sydney and JP, two former attendees of North Point InsideOut, as well as members of previous IO GlobalX teams to Estonia, have happily answered God and I's call for interns! I'm overflowing with excitement for them, and I'm ecstatic to share this experience with them and watch God work in their hearts the way he's worked in mine.  

We plan to leave all together in mid May of 2015, and return during the 2nd week of August. We've already fundraising, and getting super pumped about going!

Another change that will be taking place in my life soon  will be education. I've begun college at Georgia State University, and though its a good school, it is not the right fit for me and what God's telling me he wants for my life. I'm currently in the process of transferring to Toccoa Falls, which is a private Christian college in north Georgia that offers an online degree in Christian Organizational Leadership. After a lot of praying, I've decided that this was the right degree for me, and that I need to be saving money by living at home and working part or full time. 

Additional opportunities to serve in Estonia have been presented to me within this past month as well. I've been in contact with a member of the YWAM Estonia team about long term work over there through them, and will be taking these next few months, or however long it take for God to give me his answer, to pray about if this is the next step he wants me to take in fulfilling his plan for my life.

In my whirlwind of a life, with so many unexpected twists and turns, which have been both beautiful but also painful, I want to thank every single one of you for your continual support, donations, prayers, and words of encouragement. I can't begin to express my gratitude, and hope at some point I can thank each of you personally for everything you've done for me. I'm so blessed to have the amazing community of North Point Church, as well as my friends and family, by my side from the very beginning of this adventure I started on 3 years ago. 

Thank you all for your time, and God bless!

http://www.youcaring.com/mission-trip-fundraiser/risttee-internship-in-estonia/228485

3 day countdown.....

Down to only 3 days before camp.....
WHAT.
This past week has been nuts. Finishing last minute game planning, doing supply shopping, struggling with registration numbers,etc etc.....And it's all officially starting tomorrow.
I'll be taking a bus in the morning to Tallinn, to pick up our half of the American North Point InsideOut team from the airport. Sooooo excited to see everyone. Its so weird to know they're all on their way to Amsterdam right now while I'm already here. Not gonna lie, as crazy, tiring, and somewhat annoying as those team plane rides were, I'm missing it a little bit.
As soon as the land we'll be getting on a bus to take them back to Tartu, where they'll have some time to eat and unwind a bit before we have our youth night.
Our next 2 days will consist of a brief training, some sight seeing, camp food shopping, and packing.
Don't know if I'll be able to post again before we actually leave for camp Monday morning, but I'll try my best.
As of right now, we have only one spot left to fill, and at the beginning of the week we had 23!
Please keep the camp as a whole in your prayers. It seems that all of us leaders are a bit tired at this moment, but there's no more time for that. Please pray for us to be filled with excitement and energy, and a fire in us to make this camp an amazing experience for everyone there.
Look forward to some great pictures and camp updates soon!

9 days till camp!

Can't believe our American team will be here in 6 days...
Camp is really sneaking up on us, but we have almost everything done!
Campsites booked, meal plans made, activities planned, grocery and supply lists made, doblo's almost fixed, t-shirts made and on their way with Americans, speakers arranged, and more and more people are registered every day!
Right now I'm at a cafe finishing supply lists and making a training curriculum/schedule for the American team...which is going pretty slowly since I'm sitting by a window looking outside at the sunshine that has finally returned after a good 3 1/2 weeks of Georgia fall/winter temps, accompanied by rain and occasional sleet.
We're had a little more time to relax and have some fun recently. A few of us took an afternoon and went to the mall here and played with the segways, went to the 4D theater, and did the zipline/ropes course.
This next week will consist of some supply shopping, schedule finishing, and preparations for the Americans!
Prayer requests at this time include the couple I've been staying with, Beth and Steve, as they're currently preparing for the stressful move back to the states after living here for 3 years. Also, for MK, Justin and my focus while we're trying to wrap things up as far as planning goes. And for the American team, that they'll have safe travels and open hearts and a peace about them, as this will be most of the team's first time in Estonia.
We were able to help out with an English Camp's after-party last night, and it made me so reminiscent of my first time here 2 years ago; watching all of the teary eye'd goodbyes, hugs, thank you's and I love you's as their American team left the party to go back to Tallinn. There's no way to describe the feeling in your heart after your first time here in Estonia. Seeing everyone today reminded me how incredibly blessed I am that God made this country a part of his plan for me. I can't imagine what a mess my life might have still been at this time if I hadn't made that decision to come here 2 years ago.
I'll update again when we have more things finished!

Prayer Requests

Last night I had to say goodbye to my dog, Star, for the last time over a FaceTime call. Please keep my mom in your prayers, as she had to go alone to the vet (my brother is out of town). 

Her last moments were happy and peaceful; the last time I saw her she was eating a happy meal in my mom's backseat, freshly bathed, with her nails painted bright pink, in honor of the nail painting ritual she and I developed when I was 6. She had her huge smile on, and I wouldn't have wanted to see her for the last time any other way. 

As sad as I am, camp planning must continue. MK, Justin, Meelis and I will be driving to the opposite end of Estonia today to visit our campsites for Lift Kamp; I'm excited for the long, beautiful drive. I would promise to post pictures of the campsites after I get home today, but I don't want any campers who read my blog to have our beautiful locations spoiled for them (:

Please begin praying for KOMA (The Estonian branch of Josiah Venture) as they begin their first small group leader training for camp of the summer. My roommate, as well as my good friend and fellow American, Grant Middleton, will be attending training today, and will start camp tomorrow afternoon! Please pray for them, along with the other small group leaders, that they will be given wisdom, patience, energy, and a love for the youth that they will be leading in their English camps this next week. Please pray that the minds of the campers are open and that their hearts are receptive to what they will learn about our Lord this week. 

My first camp in Estonia, Kohila English camp 2012, completely changed my life. That week brought me a whole new level closer to understanding God's love for me, and helped me realize that no matter what happens to me in life, it's all part of his plan to bless me. I pray that the Americans here can experience the same feeling I have, and that this will open new doors for them as it has for me.

Will update again soon!

Here's a little bit of what camp planning looks like with MK....very organized jah?

Update

Hey all,
Sorry I haven't been updating recently. I haven't been spending much time in the apartment aside from sleeping, so this is the first real down time I've had in a while.
We've been doing a lot more camp planning, and will be visiting the 3 camp sites/resorts we've chosen this weekend so that we can begin planning for games ad other activities.
I celebrated my first Jaanipaev (St. John's Day) this Monday night, which consisted of lots of yummy food, a bonfire, running back and forth between the sauna and pond, and getting about 1.5 hours of sleep total. Definitely better than 4th of July or anything of that nature in the states, in my opinion!
Lots of prayer requests at this time. First, that Justin, MK, Liivi and myself can stay on track with camp planning and get all of our arrangements squared away soon, as we only have about 3 weeks until camp. Secondly, for all of the English Camps that will be starting this next week. Please pray for blessing over the days the Americans are here and at the camps, and that the youth are open to what the leadership teams have to tell them about what a life in Jesus can offer them.
Thirdly, I have a more personal request. My Golden Retriever, Star, whom I picked out at the age of four, has been diagnosed with 2 tumors near her spleen. She's just turned 15 years old, which is a considerably old age for Goldens to live, and has had issues with arthritis for the past 2 years or so. The vet has advised my mom to put her down within these next few days, since she is too old to recover from the surgery it would require to remove the tumors, so I'll ever see her again. I don't remember any part of my life before she was in it, and it breaks my heart completely to know that when I return home, I won't be greeted by her big goofy smile at the door. My mom facilitated a FaceTime call for us last night, and as tired as she was, she seemed to perk up when she saw the phone screen, though I'm not sure she could hear anything I was saying to her. Please pray for peace for my heart these next few days as I try to keep going with all of the work I have here while mourning the loss of my lifelong best friend, and please pray for my family back home as they go through the process of putting her down and preparing her burial. Pets are considered people in my house, and this is the 2nd dog we've lost in the past year and a half.
I will try to update more frequently these next few weeks.

Update: 11-16

Lately it's been a lot of camp and event planning, as well as budgeting and making arrangements for the American North Point team. Right now our biggest concern is having enough  money for the places we want to stay during the camp, since we sleep at a different location every night. So far the ones we like are sort of spread out, which makes transportation between resorts/camp sites expensive. So prayers that the places we're looking at will be affordable for us would be greatly appreciated. 

You'd never think it was summer here judging by the weather. The low for today was 39, and the high was only 52...plus it looks like rain for the next week. Will definitely be keeping this in mind while packing next summer. 

Other than weather, all is well here! Really enjoying time away from the petty "issues" of everyday like back in the states. I'm really glad I'm not spending my summer back home, not doing much. I'm so ready to be transitioning from high schooler life into a more independent state.

Only time I've really missed the states in when I heard that Chipotle is now offering tofu..... 2 months to wait felt like 2 years in that moment....

More updates about camp planning and other events to come!

Days 8-10

These past few days have been office days.

 Mondays are camp planning/LIFT team meeting days, so Monday morning Justin, MK, Liivi and I met to start planning LIFT KAMP. We've already come up with our theme for the talks, our location for our first night, activity for our first day, somewhat of a general structure as far as small groups/activities, and designed our t-shirts! I'll discuss our topics later as camp gets closer. Later that afternoon we met with some of the kids from our youth group to plan our Lift night for this Friday. 

Tuesday is another office day, so we met with Timo, Peep, and Daniel to talk about what our personal goals are for the summer as far as who we want to invest in and what we'd like to accomplish. We also talked about some of the overall needs of the church and how Justin, MK, and I can contribute to those needs.

After dinner last night I went for a run, and it seemed that everywhere I looked there was brokenness: Men sitting on benches with alcohol bottles lined up , all ready to drink, with a cluster of already emptied ones on their other side. Kids who looked barely old enough to be in high school sharing cigarettes with each other, and several lifeless faces passing by on the sidewalk.

Seeing this sadness reminded me why I'm here. The young generation in this country has so much potential to change the future, provide a happiness that the older generations left over from Soviet times seem to be lacking. My prayer is that someday, this won't be known as one of the most atheistic/agnostic countries in our world.

This afternoon our Lift group will be having a picnic by the river to enjoy the sunshine we're having. Pictures to come (:

I'll be starting a Thursday morning girls bible study/small group soon, so if anyone knows of any online curriculum that I could check out for our group please let me know!

 

UPDATE: Days 3-7

Hello all! Been a little busy, but here's an update about the last few days!
This weekend was Piiblipäevad  (Bible Days) in Tallinn, the capitol. It was a 3 day conference with lots of great music, activities, ect. I had friends to translate most of the sermons for me, so I understood most of what was going on. The messages were about being as close to God, the community, and the lost, as possible. It was so cool to be a part of; it really amazed me to see people who live on the other side of the world from me come together to worship our great God.
Here's a link to a video of the band we had this weekend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4udPe7OQfw
Here are a few pictures of the city, event, and some old friends!

Today Maria- Kristina (MK), Justin, Liivi and I started camp planning. We've already chosen our topics, our activity and location for our first day/night, and our structure as far as when we will have our talks, small groups, ect. So we've already got our foundation down! About 5 weeks left until camp, so that'll be more than enough time for us to get everything in order. 

More updates to come!

Photos

Here are some photos from my first 2 days!

These are in old Tartu:

Traveling--Day 2

Well, I'm back in Estonia! It's been a busy few days but I've had a bit of down time today to update you all about what I've been up to.
Traveling was a bit hectic; I showed up to the airport to find that my first flight (to Chicago) had been cancelled. However, they were able to put me on another flight that left a little earlier, and since I was traveling alone for the first time they gave my mom a pass to come with me to the gate. All three of my flights went smoothly, but I'm sure I looked like a lost puppy at times in the unfamiliar airports. I got to Tallinn late afternoon and took a bus to Tartu, and finally arrived at about 9:30pm. I was so happily surprised to a big welcoming committee of many my girl friends from last year!
My host family, Beth and Steve, are from America, and have been living here for 3 years now working with YWAM, a missions organization. I also have another roommate, MK, who is a 16 year old Estonian girl. They've all made me feel very welcome and comfortable.
My first full day, Tuesday, I met up with my friend MK (different MK) who is sort of overseeing Justin, who I got to finally meet as well, and myself so that we could get some stuff done such as exchanging money, get Estonian cell phones, and meet with people from Risttee to talk about our summer schedule and activities and camp planning. The rest of my day was pretty relaxed, my friend Marcus from Kohila English camp, my first camp in Estonia, came to visit me, and I spent the night learning new card games with my host family.
Today I had another adjustment day. Spent some time in town with Justin and MK, and spent some time with friends.
Jet lag hasn't been an issue for me, thank goodness.
On Friday I'll be going to Tallinn with some of the girls from the church to Bible Days, which is a weekend-long Christian conference; I'm really excited about it.
As far as prayers go, we will start camp planning next week, and at this point we have nothing, so prayers for our plans to all go smoothly and that we'll get everything put together in time with low stress would be greatly appreciated.
I'll probably be updating here every few days, or whenever I find time!
Once again, thank you so much to everyone who's support made it possible for me to be here. Feeling so so blessed.

22 Days and Counting....

It feels like just yesterday it was 10 months and counting until I'd be packing my bags and heading back to the airport. This trip is really sneaking up on me! 

These past 2 weeks have been full of school projects and graduation prep which has kept me pretty busy. It's all starting to hit me that it's going to be over soon and that I'll be starting a brand new chapter in my life, starting with hopping on my plane in 22 days. 

I can honestly say that this year has been the hardest of them all -- Watching a friend go to heaven, hours and hours of school stress, and countless instances of watching those I love most go down unhealthy paths in their lives. But despite the constant struggle that has been this year I've learned more about myself and who I really want to be in my life than I have in the other 17 years of my life. I've learned what it means to show love to everyone, no matter how difficult, and to trust God's plan even when I don't understand the circumstances,  and to always look forward to the bright side of things, the light at the end of the tunnel, which I didn't even think existed a few years back. If this year hadn't been so difficult, and I hadn't been faced with so many obstacles, heartbreaks, and stressful moments, I can honestly say I would not be ready to travel across the world in 22 days to tell people about how much I trust Jesus in every aspect of my life, how much I know he loves each and every one of us, and how ready I am to spend the rest of my life telling others what he has to offer them.

Almost 5 months ago, my friend Reagan Beene unexpectedly made a decision to leave this world and to be with Jesus. Since then, there has been a hole in my heart where the love I had for him had been. I realized that to fill that hole and work through the grief of losing someone who's sweet face and positive attitude I counted on to bring a smile to my face and happiness to my heart on some of my saddest days, I needed to learn to love EVERYONE, not just those that made it easy. If you know anything about me, you know how difficult a task this was for me. But let me tell you all this: learning to show love to those of all backgrounds, personalities, beliefs, and lifestyles has been one of the most rewarding things I've done in my lifetime, and was one of the biggest steps I've taken in my faith.

So here I am, about to take another step in transitioning into adulthood, with a heart full of joy, and peace of mind that whatever may come my way, I can trust that God is doing it all to make me the best me that I can be.

Update

Plane ticket purchased! 

Found a super good deal on Scandinavian Airlines, only 2 stops and no long layovers! I leave June 1st, arrive June 2nd.  Really happy to have passed this milestone in my fundraising goal.

At this point, I need about $2,000 more to cover my living expenses while there. The tricky part is only having 9 weeks left to raise it all....

Prayers for patience are needed. The closer I get to graduating, the harder it gets to get through each week. I feel like a lot of my time is wasted when I have so much to do to get ready for college and this trip, and it's very frustrating.

On a happy note, I ordered the camera I've been wanting for quite a while, and hopefully I'll get some jobs taking Senior portraits to raise money for the trip. 

So hard to believe I'll be leaving in only 9 weeks.......

Progress

Reached my goal amount for the plane ticket I planned on buying ($1342), only to find that the ticket price has gone up :( However, I'm looking on some other sites and finding some for as little as $1200! Which would be really awesome. Going to do a little more shopping, as I want to make sure they are on decent airlines and that they arrive at reasonable times. I'm not really looking to have super long layovers in foreign countries all by myself.
After I buy my ticket my next fundraising goal will to be to raise $1100 for my first month's living expenses.
God is teaching me a lot about patience these days, and I've found myself relying on him more and more recently, which was a little nerve wracking at first, as I'm notorious for being a bit of an OCD control freak, but at this point it is very freeing to not have the stress of controlling so much in my life. By letting certain things go these past few weeks, I've gained a whole new level of composure while dealing with stressful/frustrating situations, which I'm very thankful for. I hope to carry this new-found calm with me into the summer, knowing it will help me a lot.
Only about 10 weeks left!

And He said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation."

Mark 16:15

DONATION LINK!!!!

Here is my donation link!!! 

http://www.gofundme.com/6vwetg

Internship Budget

Monthly Budget

• Discretionary -- $50
• Rent -- $300
• Utilities -- $50
• Food -- $300
• Personal Transportation -- $55
• Tithe-- $60
• Entertainment -- $50
• Other -- $50
• Ministry cell phone -- $50
• Ministry transportation -- $30
• Language studies-- $50
• Misc. Ministry --$100

Total per month = $1,095

Airfare = $1,500 (or less)

Estimated total =  $3,690

Hey Everyone! I'm a little new to this whole blogging thing, so bare with me.
First off I'd love to explain what this whole thing is about.
I went on my first trip to Estonia summer 2012 with a group of InsideOut high school students through an organization through GlobalX. My team and I were give the opportunity to go to a beautiful little town called Kohila, where we helped lead an English Camp for the local youth. The campers were able to practice their English with us, but we also gave small sermons about the plans God has for each and every one of us. It was during this trip that I gave my testimony for the very first time, and felt a tug on my heart to continue to share the love and forgiveness The Lord has given to me with anyone who needed to hear it. At this camp I met the most amazing people, and witnessed some of the most beautiful miracles. I'd fallen in love with the country as well as it's people, and knew that this would NOT be the last time I spent time there.
I signed back up for the trip the following winter, and returned the next summer with a heart filled with joy and a desire to be used by God in any way possible. It was on that trip that I heard God actually speak to me for the first time, saying "I want you here." And thankfully, I want the same thing he does.
During this trip my team was sent to the second largest city in Estonia, Tartu, to work with a Risttee, a local church. Instead of doing an English camp, however, we helped the church put on an adventure/activities camp for their youth group to bring friends to. Instead of being on the front lines, like I'd been at my camp the year before, the job of the rest of my team and I was service. I'd never done anything close to a service mission before, and being a slightly stressy person at times, this challenged me to humble myself and put others before myself in ways I'd never experienced before. By the end of the camp I knew that comping back next summer for another mere 10 days wasn't going to cut it for me -- I needed to give God more of my time to allow him to use me in as many ways as possible. I have been blessed with an internship opportunity with Risttee for summer 2014, during which I will offer my help/service to the church in any way needed. I will be leaving after my high school graduation at the end of may, on the estimated date of June 1st, and I will be returning to the states during the first week of August, before I begin college at Georgia State University.
For this trip, I will need to raise about $3,700. I am currently $500 down, so only $3,200 to go! I will post how exactly the money will be distributed while I'm there (which costs it will cover). I will need to have all of my money raised by mid may, which is coming frighteningly quickly.
There have been complications with setting up an online donation link, but it is coming soon!
I can currently accept checks made out to me, sent to my mothers address at North Point Ministries below:
Darcy Tilgner (c.o. North Point Ministries)
4350 North Point Parkway,
Alpharetta GA 30004

I'm super excited to see how God uses me before and during this trip, and can't wait to share it all with you on this page!
If you have any questions, I can be reached on facebook or by email at ciennderella@gmail.com